i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
