Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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