my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have post one night stand depression
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