He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
