bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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