That's when you crack a 10am beer
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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