What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
