dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
