as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
