Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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