cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
