I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
