Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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