He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
