and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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