I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
