Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
