i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
