i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
