I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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