I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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