Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
