Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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