Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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