I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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