I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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