I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
