she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
