Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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