can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
