I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
