Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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