Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
