Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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