Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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