Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
