The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
