Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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