I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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