I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
