People in love make me want to vomit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
