Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
