she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
