I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
