wakey wakey hands off snakey
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
