Tell her she can't have a vagina
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
