Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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