Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
