Pants 0. Shit 1.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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