lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize