this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize