I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
