I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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