it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
