Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
