When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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