She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
