Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I bet he comes in French.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
