He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
