I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize