they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
