If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
