also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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