My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Michael Bay diarrhea
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
