Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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