when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize