Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
