already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
