I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize