lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
there is glitter all over my balls
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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