I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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