love makes seman taste better
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
