Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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