Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
