That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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