During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
