my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
