Whod you bang
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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