im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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