I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
