Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
