My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
