honey bunches of taint.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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