Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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