my vag is so smooth its legendary
it glows. i had to have it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize