Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize