My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
