hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
