I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
