hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
