I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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