i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Randomize
