My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
