somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
