break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
