Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize