you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
