I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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