Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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