If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
