I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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