This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
