Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
