im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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