Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
