So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
